This one’s gonna be touchy. I’m not all that clear about putting this post up there. It could be nothin’ but net, could be a brick. I’m sure this is going to make some people unhappy on both sides of the couch but, I gotta say something & so, as Wellington said to his mistress when she threatened to make his letters to her public, “Publish and be damned,” though I probably already am. It’s a professional liability.
This is written in part for patients, in part for therapists, and in part to get it off my chest ’cause its been there for a while & it’s startin’ to feel like a 10-ton safe. Here goes and if it bends you out of shape, so be it.
I was in the elevator going up to my office a few weeks, maybe a month and-a-half ago with 3 other people. Two were therapists, one was, I think, a patient. One therapist asked the other about his next patient & the comment came back something along the line of “He’s a real borderline.” The other said something like “yikes,” and then followed with a comment about being told by some mentor that you shouldn’t have more than one on your caseload. The one who made the comment in the first place said something about that being right. If you’re reading this and you recognize yourselves, I’m not picking on you. I’ve picked you as an example. If you’re offended you can take it up with me. Leave me a comment. Please. If you have an opinion about what I’m saying here, please, leave me a comment.
The whole time this exchange was proceding I was uncomfortable because I wanted to say something to this pair. The other guy in the elevator (remember him, the patient looking guy?) was looking decidedly uncomfortable and unhappy. I wanted to tell this pair to pipe down, that there’s other people on the elevator. Mind you, they didn’t say anything that might identify the patient (other than that he’s a he.) The behavior broke no privacy or confidentiality rules, HIPAA was certainly not violated. So, what’s my beef?
That’s easy. It makes patients uneasy when they hear this. They already think we talk about them when they’re not present. They have wonderful imaginations and are very sure we talk about them. There’s no need to prove them right. It doesn’t make them happy and gives them a not great opinion of us because, they think, it tells them what we think of them.
We’re not even going to talk about the categorizing of a patient with an unflattering label. We all know what borderline means, and that includes patients. It means difficult, explosive, unmanageable, right? Too bad it didn’t mean that when it was first proposed, but that’s what it’s come to mean. But I digress….
My point here is this: I was fortunate. My first internship was, in part, at the James A. Peters Veterans Medical Center in the Bronx where there were signs on the two side walls of each elevator reminding the staff to not discuss patients in the elevators because staff, patients and patients’ families all share the same elevators. Good signs to post because people forget.
What I’m saying to therapists – pipe down! If you must talk about patients, and I’ll be generous and say that you’re “consulting” with a colleague, do it in your office or your colleagues office and do it with the door closed. Not in the hall. Not in the elevator. Not in the toilet. Let’s show them the respect they deserve.They come to us in pain and we’re not here to add to it by hearing us talk about patients (in the pejorative) in public. We’re not carnies and our patients aren’t Rubes. If you can’t pipe down, and you’re in a public place with me, expect that I’ll ask you to hold it for when you’re alone. I invite any other clinician to do the same when they hear another of us doing this.
By the same token I’m saying to patients that it’s OK to tell the therapists who are having this conversation in front of you that they should zip it. Tell them not to have this discussion in front of the kids. Tell them that you feel disrespected. Tell them that they’re treating you like you’re not there. They may get huffy. Let ’em.