Archive for the ‘relaxation’ Category

Are Psychoanalysts Ever “Off-Duty?”

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

First, a disclaimer. I don’t go around listening in to conversations at nearby tables, on the street, the bus, or anywhere else. Maybe I should say I don’t try to listen. I can’t help it if you’re going to speak loudly enough for everyone in the general area to hear you. This isn’t about why people think others need to hear what they’re saying, so enough of that. It’s just a disclaimer. Period. Done.

OK – so why the disclaimer? The other night I was walking home after getting off of the bus and there was a group of three people on the street ahead of me, two men and a woman. As I was approaching I heard a part of the conversation. One of the men said to the woman,”You’ll like him. He’s a psychoanalyst.” She responded by asking something about are psychoanalysts always analyzing everybody or do they ever turn it off. She also said something about it being tiring to always being “on.”

Do we ever turn it off? You betcha!  Tiring to always be”on?” Jeez. Probably even more tiring for everyone around than it is for us. Can you imagine that? Why would I, using myself as the example I know best, want to constantly be confronting people with their “hidden motives” for doing things? Where would my respect for my friends and neighbors be if I did that?

The people who come to me for psychotherapy are asking me to use my skills to help them.  They expect me to “listen with the third ear,” as Langs put it, to attend “with free-floating attention,” to quote Uncle Sigmund. They pay me to do this. My friends, family, neighbors and total strangers aren’t paying me for my time or my skills. They aren’t asking me to listen to their free associations and make an interpretation. I’m expected to be just another person in the room and not invade the privacy of why they do what they do.

Yeah, I’m a curious guy. Uh, maybe I should rephrase that. I’m curious about a lot of things in this world. I’m curious about what makes people tick, including me (especially me,) and seriously hope, as the old, sad joke says, that it’s not a time-bomb. That doesn’t give me the right to pry into what’s going on in someone’s psyche and, contrary to what some believe (and/or have done) it’s not a parlor game where I can (or will) look at people in the room, talk with them for a couple of minutes and then give a psychoanalytic profile.

I like my friends, family, neighbors (trust me on this.) Why would I want to piss them off by telling them why they’re doing what they’re doing or trying to manipulate them by analyzing them without their knowledge or consent. Ah, there it is – perhaps the real point of the question (OK – this is analyzing but it’s me thinking about what I might be trying to accomplish by that seat-of-the-pants analysis) is whether I would be “using my powers” for my  own nefarious purposes. To manipulate things & people.

What do you think? Do you think we ever “turn it off” other than when we sleep? Do we manipulate people? Let me know – leave a comment. I won’t analyze what you’re saying or how you say it – promise.

ADD & Taxes Pt. II: The Folly of Working Hard: Completeness is the enemy of sense

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

My last post was a bit of a disappointment to me. My “voice” was missing (what, you couldn’t hear me because it’s written, not spoken? Shirley, you jest.) I was missing a simple ingredient. Simple. That’s what I was missing.

See, I was trying to do too much in one shot. There’s only so much stuff I can cram in a 5-pound sack & I was looking at about 2o pounds. Then tried to tie it closed with a string. In the middle. The result? An overflowing, non-flowing pile of stuff that wasn’t satisfying to me, I don’t know about you.

The “simple” answer to the issue of ADD/ADHD and taxes is that there’s no “simple” answer that I can give. I can make suggestions but that’s already me imposing my thoughts. The simplest answer I know is to try things, no matter how logical, illogical, whimsical or insane they may seem until you find the method that works. If it works for you and Uncle Sugar it’s a bingo.

As for the other “simple” answer: I forgot the simple rule: Don’t work hard. Work smart. I was working too hard to try to get all my thoughts into one post. Phaugh! What a headache. It was a bad idea even if I could have done it. It was too much to organize (especially doing it inside that crowded melon between my hat & my neck.) Hard work never helped. Look at John Henry. He “…was a steel-drivin’ man (lord lord”) and, yeah, he beat that steam drill, but he died and his wife had to finish the job for him. He wasn’t even bustin’ up the mountain, he was just drilling pilot holes for the blasters (if you’ve never heard them, you gotta give them a listen. They’ll knock yer socks off) so they could bust up the mountain. The guy with the steam drill? He got to go home & have his soup. John Henry “…laid down his hammer an’ he died (lord lord.”) Where’s the percentage in that? He got a folk song written about him, but so did the guy with the steam drill. Don’t think so? Listen to the song again. It’s all about John Henry vs the Steam Drill.

What’s my point?  Zeit nicht meshugeh! There’s no “right” way to do your taxes (or anything else) as long as your in compliance with the codes, but working harder isn’t necessarily better. Working smarter, thinking about what you’re doing before you do it is often better. If someone accuses you of being lazy, go ahead and agree. Tell him (or her) that sure, you’re being lazy, but not unproductive. Remind him (or her) about John Henry. “He laid down his hammer and he died (lord lord.”) Does that sound good to you? Not me, cousins. I’ll use the steam drill any day rather than swing that sledge and go home, have my soup and, if necessary, come back tomorrow and finish up. The opposite of hard work isn’t “hardly workin.'” It’s workin’ smart.

Next up: Credit cards & psychotherapy fees.